Last night I got my 1st tattoo.
I'll probably get 1,000 hits on this post because I'm sure people thought I'd never get one or would want to get one! Haha! But I didn't do it for anyone or to rebel or to be "cool" or anything.. It's been a long time coming :)
Ever since we lost our 1st babe Lily (we believed she was a girl b/c of dreams we had) in a Miscarriage at 12-13 weeks on Easter Sunday, I wanted one. I had a REALLY rough miscarriage. I was OVER the moon excited when I found out I was pregnant and had no idea miscarrying was a possibility for me, until one fateful Friday (good friday) it began. They told me on Easter Sunday in the ER I was in fact losing my baby I had so hoped and planned for. I was in excruciating pain for over two weeks, and the doctors finally had to do a surgery to remove the baby. It was emotionally draining knowing over those two weeks I was losing my child and there was nothing we could do. It was all too much. We never had a memorial service, gravestone or anything BUT we planted a beautiful, pink lily at my parents house, that blooms just in time for Mother's Day every year. My heart skips a beat when I see it. I also smile on Easter Sunday when I see all the lilies that fill the church. I think of her so often.
I wanted something tangible to remember her, to hold on to her until the day I can hold her in my arms.
I asked around and found a great Tattoo artist named Jeff that many of my friends have gone to over the years. I didn't hear anything for a while, then one day he texted me out of the blue and said he had an opening for the next night. I was nervous, so I asked my friend Shannon if she could come with me. She had a free night, so I set the plan in motion.
We got to Jeff's tattoo shop and met Jeff and he showed me the design for the lily with the colors. Crazily enough, it looked exactly like the lily we planted at my parents house, colors and everything!! What in the world?!?! I wanted it on my left arm to go along with the lyric I wrote in a song on my latest EP called "Heaven Come Soon" that says "Until then I will hold you in my heart, Until the day I can hold you in my arms, you're in good hands there, no more sorrows no more tears.."
We got to talking and were talking about kids and whatnot and I told him I had a 3 year old and he asked what his name was so I told him "His name is Trust". He was like "that is a really cool name! How did you guys come up with that?" Perfect convo for a long sit, So as I sat there getting my lily tattoo, I told him the whole story about how we got to have Trust. How we lost our 1st baby on Easter Sunday and thought we'd lose Trust many times, but knew we had to trust God with his life. I realized in that moment... Even though lily never got a chance to live here, her story lives on and continues to touch peoples lives. I'm excited to be able to have a topic of conversation to talk about with people when they ask about my tattoo and what it means. I am not afraid to go deep and I hope it helps other women open up and share with me about their losses.
I'm taking him a CD of the "Songs for Healing" EP I wrote for parents grieving the loss of a child to go along with the Tattoo he gave me! Check it out on iTunes, Amazon etc or CDbaby: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/heatherevans4
A Pic of me wearing my tattoo naturally around town. :)
I'm so glad I got to get this tattoo and keep a piece of Lily with me always.