Adventures with Heather

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Stay at home Mom

Sometimes I feel weird when I tell people I am a stay at home mom.

I know there are others that feel the same way as me... You know the stigma...

When I am having conversations with (some) people and they ask me what I "Do" and I tell them I am a stay at home mom to Trust, and they are kind of like "Oh..." and feel weird, searching desperately to change the subject. It feels uncomfortable sometimes, and I feel the need to tell the person "Oh, uh, I also do music and have this accomplishment and that accomplishment and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH..."

Why do I/we think being a mom isn't a worthy/good enough calling on its own? Why is DOING something in the world more important that BEING in our kids lives? I am not speaking for every mom out there, only from my own feelings (aka insecurities! ha!) just to be clear...

We feel embarrassed and think being a mom is not very important, but let me tell you it is THE MOST IMPORTANT calling you can have to be a parent! Not only are you a caregiver, making sure every need of your child's is met but we have the influence in our kids life to help them succeed/grow/help them dream/we support them/teach them healthy relationships/encourage them/love them no matter what etc or if you don't take this role to heart you can crush them/take away their dreams/discourage them/hurt them deeply/make them feel ignored/make them feel less than. Our identity in God is first learned from our parents, how we relate with others is learned from our parents, how we feel loved is learned from our parents... See? This is a very important role!

I absolutely LOVE being a mom to Trust Emmanuel Evans! He is worth more than any accomplishment I could ever do. He is my greatest accomplishment in fact!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Spontaneous Outburst of Words

I never know what I am going to write when I write a blog. Most of the time it is just a spontaneous outburst of words, but I kind of like that. 

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Haiti. The Cholera outbreak has really put a crazy kink in an already BAD situation... I've been keeping up with updates of one of the Missionary Teams down there with our Church, Vineyard Columbus and every time I read the updates, I cry. I am moved to pray for them but also DO something for them. I am going to be planning some Benefit Shows for Haiti in the Early Spring, hoping to rally the good people of Columbus together to offer a hand of support to the people who are working tirelessly in Haiti. I know I can't go there personally, but it is cool to know I can empower someone to go in my stead. It's strange... even before all of the Earthquake stuff happened my heart has been heavy for Haiti. Almost like God was preparing me for what was going to happen and giving me a heart for the people of Haiti.

I had a dream the other night that I was in an old school Church building (with a steeple and 1 room that was the sanctuary) and outside there were 9 swirling, creepy, skinny tornadoes forming. I realized while in the dream that the 9 tornadoes signified 9 different difficulties or things that are swirling around in my life trying to destroy me. I stayed in the church with the feeling I was safe there and the tornadoes wouldn't come near it.  

The dream is pretty right on with things happening in my life. There are PLENTY of crazy situations that Satan is trying to throw at us to try to destroy us (and a couple almost got to us) but one thing I know for sure. There is Safety and rest in my God! He is stronger and victorious every time! I know that the ONLY thing getting me through this difficult season of life is my faith and trust in God. There have been times that I've tried to do things on my own or rely on my own strengths and I realize things fall apart pretty quickly when I do that. I mean it is a DAILY struggle. A daily choice to choose to trust God. But it is soooo good when you do it!

I've been listening to Rich Nathan's sermons about every other morning just to kind of get me off on the right track. Ever since I started that, my anxiety has decreased loads. Interesting isn't it? When I fix my eyes on Jesus all I see is Jesus all day, but when I fix my eyes on every hard thing swirling about me, every hard thing is all I see all day. 

Confrontation has been a weak point of mine all of my life. (I mean who really likes dealing with conflict?) But I am seeing God is really trying to grow this in me in this season. It's interesting to see the hand of God shaping me.. It isn't always comfortable, but I know it is good.

Monday, December 13, 2010

SO much to be GLAD about. A Pollyanna Reference

If you have never seen the movie Pollyanna I HIGHLY recommend it to you! It is a Disney Classic that I've loved since I was a kid, and just got it on DVD for Christmas.

The Movie is about an Orphan Pollyanna, who goes to live with her crabby Aunt Polly after her missionary parents die. Despite her situation, she is "Glad". Whenever a bad situation arises she plays the "Glad Game", trying to find something in the negative circumstance to be glad about. She slowly impacts the whole town with her positive attitude and it got me thinking... 

I have SO much to be Glad about, and yet sometimes I choose to look at the negative more than the positive. I really want to combat that negative thinking by adopting the "Glad Game" in my own life.

Here are a few things I am Glad about:

I AM GLAD WE HAD A FAMILY CHRISTMAS WITH MY PARENTS, SISTER, BRO-IN-LAW AND NIECE: We had SUCH a good time and stayed the weekend at my folks house to spend time with Amy, Jesse and Chloe. It was amazing getting to all be together this Christmas! 
I AM GLAD TRUST IS SITTING UP AT 5 MONTHS: He's getting really good at it!

I AM GLAD WE TOOK FAMILY PHOTOS FOR CHRISTMAS: We made Family Christmas Cards with these pics and just sent them all out in the mail. (This is a miracle since I am usually bad about this kind of stuff..)

I AM GLAD I PLAYED A BENEFIT HOUSE SHOW FOR HAITI: We raised over $2,400 that night! It was pretty magical.

I AM GLAD I AM RECORDING "BETH SAFE TONIGHT" WITH RICK MAY FOR THE LOVE146 COMPILATION CD: I am recording final vocals for the song on Wednesday and I am pretty stoked about it.

I AM GLAD I RECORDED CHRISTMAS SONGS WITH MY COUSINS MELODY AND MICHELLE: I have LITERALLY never laughed so hard in my life! I had the greatest time just hanging out with my cousin's and singing Christmas Tunes with them! They are AMAZING singers too!

I AM GLAD TO HAVE AN AMAZING HUSBAND WHO IS GETTING ORDAINED AS PASTOR IN JANUARY: He has worked SO hard these past couple years in the youth group and I am so proud of him for getting the honor of becoming Pastor!

I AM GLAD WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HOME TO LIVE IN: Brett's Dad let us live in his 4 bedroom house while he is living in Florida! Amazing blessing in a very financially straining time.

I AM GLAD TRUST WAS DEDICATED TO THE LORD: Our friends and family got to witness Trust's dedication at Church and it was such a beautiful day!

I AM GLAD TO HAVE A GOD WHO REALLY CARES: No matter the situation I am amazed at how Jesus has come through for us and helped us! 

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ugh, Anxiety!

Ugh, Anxiety sucks! I honestly can't remember a time where I have felt so anxious. Unfortunately, I can't disclose why, but I just had to write something.

For those of you who haven't suffered from anxiety, this is what it feels like:

-A giant ogre decided a good place to sit is on your chest, making it hard for you to breathe.

-Your mind is racing so fast it feels like the 12 hours of sleep you got the night before were more like 2 hours.

-Household chores look more like mountains to climb.

-Your heart decides instead of beating like a normal heart, it wants to be in a rock band.

-Your headache is playing the bass in your heart's rock band.

-Prayers turn into desperate pleas for help.

Don't worry, I am working through this stuff! I met with my counselor yesterday about it.. It is in this case,  going to be a process. 

I know all the verses in the Bible that talk about Anxiety and "casting your cares on Him", but for me right now it is hard to read it and apply it. Especially when you are right IN the fire. Fire doesn't feel good, it burns.. But I am looking forward to the refinement and the growth just through the fire. It's time to grow up and deal with things head on, not avoiding issues and walking on eggshells to ensure my hearts safety, because in the end I am just lying to myself that the problem isn't really there. 

Christmas is my favorite time of year (usually), but this year I am not into it. Holiday stress has left me feeling empty. This is NOT what Christmas and the Holidays are supposed to be about! I feel the injustice rising up in me and I want to scream and shout in indignation,"I WANT MY CHRISTMAS BACK!!" It will be a process, but hopefully we can do it. All the little compromises we make just to "make everyone happy" even though no matter what we do someone isn't happy... We are stretched in so many directions left flabbergasted the day after any major holiday in a state of depression and a holiday hangover. Why do we put ourselves through this every year? This behavior is SUPER unhealthy, and we MUST find a middle ground somewhere. I'm not trying to sound mean or rude toward our family and friends, it is not their fault, it is ours. We have stretched ourselves too thin and we are tired. We are still new at all this... We will have many more try's to get it right thank the Lord.

 If you feel the same way during the holidays, give me an AMEN.