Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I have a deep longing for Spring. Winter casts such a gloom on my heart, I look forward every year for the hope of Spring.
Love is a Tree”
-This is a Poem/Story/Analogy about my marriage with Brett and our relationship with Jesus. Branches:Me, Trunk:Brett, Sun:God, Roots:Our Faith
“Love is a Tree”
I am fragile, branches waving to and fro in the harsh spring breeze. My arms once naked from winter have begun to flower again. I’m reaching desperately for the sunlight, never swayed from my goal. Reaching always up and out, sprawling my wooden fingers toward the sun, yet in my gaping, it always seems just out of grasp. I often give to despair, but you, my love, keep me sturdy.
You are my strength, holding me firmly to the ground. You are the trunk to my waving frivolity, to my tireless reaching. You keep me focused and still.
The wind has tried so hard to rip us apart, always tearing at my limbs… But you calmly remind me, “Fear not my dear, we have roots”. Though wind or storm may come we will not be uprooted. A lifetime of roots keep us firm, holding us fixed together…Giving us nutrients even in the starkest of winters, when all hope and color drain from our branches, we know we will not waiver. Our faith remains strong and deep. So we wait.
We wait patiently for the gust of spring to pull us out of the melancholy of winter. We wait for new life, a new chance to soak in the sun, and grow ever toward it.
We are one and we could not survive without each other.
Love is a Tree.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Diana and Anthony Tambini stayed with Trust (since Anthony home schools it was easier for them to help) and my dad took me to the surgery. They were SO amazing at taking care of Trust and me!! I am really thankful that I have some pretty amazing people in my life!
They got me into the room very quickly, and I chatted with the nurses about the amazing story of my son Trust. They all awwed at the story and I told the nurse I was a bit nervous, and she said "another situation you'll just have to "trust" everything will be ok again" I smiled and said "you are right! It's going to be ok" The doctor was talking to me and said "I'm giving you the medicine now.." And everything got quiet, and I was out.
Next thing I remember, I was in the recovery room talking to the nurse. There was a little bit of pain, but my mouth was still completely numb, so we were just chatting it up. I'm sure I sounded pretty drugged up, but she was very sweet!
I got home and felt pretty sleepy. The doc told me to take the pain meds right when I got home so that when the numbing wore off, the pain meds would be in my system. I took the meds, ate some applesauce and a few bites of stouffer's mac 'n cheese, then went to my bed upstairs. The numbness was wearing off at that point. I had icepacks on my cheeks as I laid there in bed and felt miserable. I felt really restless, short of breath, anxious like my heart was jumping out of my chest, in LOTS of pain, and on top of everything, I was getting a migraine and started feeling quite nauseated. All I could do was lay there. I couldn't sleep, noises and light were making my migraine and nausea worse. I couldn't eat or drink or take my pain meds without vomiting I had a feeling I was having a reaction to the pain meds. I really thought I was going to have to go to the ER. Last time I had a reaction like that was when I was on the Medicine Pump when I was pregnant, and later that night I had Brett call my doctor instead of going to the hospital. The doc asked if we had any nausea meds, and I remembered we had some leftover suppositories from when I was pregnant. He asked how many we had and laughed when Brett told him we had 18! He told us to concentrate of the nausea so that I could take meds for pain and instructed me to just take IB Prophen, not the prescription.
The nausea meds helped immediately and it made me very sleepy, and was out for the night.
I woke up this morning, and felt pretty good! I mean "good" meaning good after the crazy ordeal that I had yesterday. My mouth and jaw are very swollen, my jaw doesn't open any wider than a spoon going into it, and the pain is pretty killer, BUT my headache and the nausea is gone and no more shortness of breath, anxiety or restlessness!
Success! I made it through and feel happy that this is the 1st and last time I will have to do this!
Monday, January 10, 2011
I have always had a love of writing. SInce I was in 3rd Grade, my teachers have always encouraged me to be in writing contests and other writing related groups. I often write songs, blogs and keep a journal. That being said, I have been thinking, healing, and praying about the story of Lily and Trust... I've known from the beginning God is using what I've been through for His glory and I've been thinking... How could I better use their story's to help others heal in their own lives? I remember when I went through my miscarriage, there were very few resources that I could find to help me walk through the healing of losing a child. I clung tight to a blog of a woman who lost her baby and felt encouraged by her walk with Jesus through the pain.
I have kept blogs, personal journals and have written songs and poetry through my whole experience. My hope is that in this season, I can compile a resource for hurting mom's who have lost their children. I'm not sure what this is going to look like, whether it is going to be a book or website or devotional, but I just know it is something I need to do!
I think I am also going to write and record a CD to go along with it as well to help with the process of grief and healing. I know music helped me a lot in that time...
I am a dreamer. I can't help it! Pray for me as I process through all of this. And mom's if you have a testimony you would like to share from your own life, please e-mail me at: Heatherevansmusic@yahoo.com One thing I know for sure, God works EVERYTHING out for the good, even our tragedy...