Adventures with Heather

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Just another challenge

So yesterday and today have been a little rough. Nothing super hard has happened, just feel sad and a little lonely.

 Trust has been sick with a cold for the past two weeks and I took him back to the doctor on Thursday for his 3 month check up, and sure enough he has an ear infection. POOR BABY and poor mommy! I haven't slept much these past couple nights because little buddy hasn't been sleeping well. He's been waking up every 2 to 3 hours coughing or because he can't breathe. Now that I am typing all of that out, NO WONDER I am feeling so beat up! Lack of sleep my friends is not a friend of mine. 

Because of all of this the house is a MESS, I am in sweats and am not wearing makeup (which I like to wear a little because I look like one of those celebrities on the US WEEKLY magazines who get caught by the paparazzi without makeup on and you're like WOAH is that what she really looks like?), I haven't gone anywhere or seen anyone, I've been watching TV series like Fringe just to pass the time, etc. It's also been hard because Brett has been super busy with work too so I've only seen him 3 days this week for a couple hours at night. 

I think I've also sort of "blanked out" with my spiritual life these past couple days too. Does that ever happen to you? You just sort of get on survival mode ya know? I am taking this as just another challenge. That when all of this passes and I can get myself and Trust together we'll be better for it! He is sooooooo precious you guys! Even when he is sick he still smiles and coos it is wonderful!

GOTTA GO! T just woke up!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A wonderful evening with my husband

So yesterday was amazing!

Brett had the day off and we just sort of relaxed/hung around the whole day. I spent some time writing a song while Trust napped and I am absolutely in love with it. I literally can't get it out of my head. It is all about walking with Jesus. The reason why I love it so much is because everytime I sing it, it makes me want to cry because I think about being with Jesus and the craziness of my life seems to still for just a moment. It goes like this:

"Walking side by side,
underneath the apple trees,
in your orchard I find rest,
for my soul

Take me by your hand,
Lead me by your still waters,
Lead me on

Walking hand in hand,
gazing at the galaxies,
in your presence I feel that,
I am home"

Later that day my mom randomly called and asked if she could babysit Trust so we could go on a date. Of course I said, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! We would LOVE that!" So we talked all day about what we would do and where we would go. We knew we wanted to go to a park (it was BEAUTIFUL yesterday!) and grab some food but we weren't sure where and wanted to be spontaneous.

SO we headed out for our date and we decided to eat at our friends family resturaunt called the Pomegrante. If you have never been there, it is FANTASTIC. Our friends dad stopped by our table to say hi and gave us our dinner for FREE! SCORE. A good start to a great evening.

After dinner we decided to go to Innis Woods, our favorite park. We talked about all sorts of things. Deep life things, our hopes, fears, and concerns and also some fun things too. We haven't talked like that in a while, and it was really refreshing. I am SUCH a quality time/quality converstation person. If I don't have a deep meaningful conversation for a while I get cranky. We also talked about memories of things we used to do when we were dating and how we LOVED taking walks and going to parks when we were dating and that we should go to parks more often.

We walked the trails and explored, ate the herbs in the herb garden (don't tell) and talked/brainstormed together about this idea for a story I got from a dream I had. The premise is that hidden in our world are secret doors. The doors are usually ordinary things like old radios or an old bench you happen to sit on. The Doors lead to different parts of the world or secret worlds within this world. In every door is a Key Keeper. They are usually animals that were once humans and they carry the key to get back to the place you were just at. Some doors are faulty though, they can kill you if you aren't careful. The main characters are Me, Brett, The Helper who guides us on our journey, Trust and the Evil Keeper. Trust gets stolen by the Evil Keeper and me and Brett with the help of The Helper, have to rescue him! I seriously can't wait to start writing it! We came up with some really neat ideas. A lot of our inspiration came from things we saw at the park, so that was kind of neat.

After the park, we went home and watched the new show THE EVENT on NBC. I think I like it! I can't wait to see next weeks episode. I am all about conspiracy theories and stuff so it should be an interesting show!

Also, Tonight we are going to see The Legend of The Guardians for FREE thanks to our friend Marco! I've been wanting to see this movie so bad, so I am super excited! I LOVE OWLS!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Since the last blog...

Since the last blog I wrote about making time for inspiration, I tried it and it worked!! 

I wrote a cheesy love song. It goes like this:

"Walking these streets I see people passin'
Wonder if they've been askin'
Who they're supposed to be
Wandering like me

Then i see your face
and I stop breathing
You're locking eyes with me

I'm not dreaming,
I'm seeing,
Clear for the first time, clear for the first time
Everything's clear when I look
into your eyes
I can see the light
and everything's clear for the first time,
I can see clear for the very first time"

Like I said kinda cheesy, but hey! I like it! I have to be honest, I am a fan of a bit of cheese. I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I still long to be wooed even now that I am married! I think it is at the heart of every woman to be desired and loved and cherished. It's easy to forget about or neglect romance once you have a baby, so it is VERY important to do things that remind you of why you fell in love in the first place. Revisit old places you once loved, talk about things you used to do, BUT ALSO make NEW memories and romantic moments! Go on picnics, adventures, play, laugh, enjoy each other. Life is SO quick to steal away joy and love. You really have to work at staying IN love ya know? ANYWAYS! Rabbit trail!

I also had a moment of spontaneous inspiration when I was trying to put a very fussy baby bed last night. He wouldn't calm down, and I couldn't think of a song to sing (he LOVES singing!) so I made up my own little lullaby, and it worked! Just another song to add the my developing lullaby album. It goes like this:

"Momma's here, Momma's here
Don't you fear, Don't you fear x2

I'll keep you safe and warm my dear
'Cause Momma's here for you x2"

It looks repetitive and silly, but the melody it makes it a lot cooler I promise!!

I may not have gotten to the dishes or finished all of the laundry, but it made me feel good to do something fun. :)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Making time for inspiration

So this motherhood stuff is pretty tricky! I am finding I have little time to do anything other than the necessary. 

By the time I take a shower and put myself together a bit, Trust is up from his morning nap. By the time I clean his bottles, do the laundry, take out the dirty diapers, make myself a meager lunch, Trust is up from his early afternoon nap. By the time I unload the dishwasher, make a bit of dinner Trust is up from his late afternoon/evening nap and Brett is home from work, then after a bit of time together, I am turned in for the night at 8.

Now I realize I am LUCKY. My kid loves his naps, meaning I am able to get a lot of important things accomplished and he is super happy and fun these days! The only problem is, I am having trouble making time for inspiration, for me. I am afraid that if I put off the dishes, laundry, etc.. chaos will ensue. I am not a clean freak by any means, but I don't like getting behind because then it piles up, and I get overwhelmed and I don't know where to start. 

I have so many creative things I keep pushing to the corners of my mind! I have this short story idea that I got from a dream I had, songs ideas, painting projects, and loads of pics I want to print and hang.. People I want to meet with, places I want to go like parks, festivals, concerts, coffee shops, parties.. 

Sometimes I think I stick to the mundane because I am scared. I mean it is safe isn't it to just stay at home, stick to the schedule. I know what will happen, things are predictable. But when I go out or try something new right now, I just never know what will happen! I realize it will be like that for a while cause Trust is still young. Maybe the unpredictable is a good thing. I keep looking at the unpredictable as a bad thing and I need to flip my thinking a bit! Be more "by the seat of my pants" kind of girl like I used to be pre-baby!

I don't want to lose myself just because I have a baby. I want to be a more enhanced version of myself because I have a baby. My son Trust is absolutely wonderful. He brings out the best in me for sure! I could literally just stare at him all day and watch all of his different expressions and be happy. I just have to remind myself to do things for me too and it is okay! 

In the coming weeks I want to try to be more spontaneous. Leave time for inspiration. Forget about the dishes, laundry and cleaning for 2 seconds and just let myself be creative, be me. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Life with Trust- a learning process

My son Trust is amazing. 

That could be all I write and it would sum this whole blog up! 

I literally look forward to seeing his chubby face every feeding, even though I am tired and exhausted, it is so worth it. I think the reason I appreciate him so much (fussy times and all) is because he and I were so close to not being here. I realize more than ever the GIFT he is.. That he is only mine because God gave him to me. I am learning SO much in this time! Allow me to ellaborate..

It hasn't been the easiest transition for me.. I mean I am human. Lack of sleep, sheer exhaustion, and fluctuating emotions constantly make me frustrated, sad feeling, overwhelmed etc.. I've apologized to Brett 3 times already this week for snapping at him. But I am realizing, it's ok. It is all part of this crazy journey I'm on of motherhood. It has actually been really good for me, humbling even. I mean before it was a little hard for me to say sorry or admit I was wrong, but now I am making more of an effort to say sorry if I've said something cutting. 

I'm even learning about self sacrifice in a whole new way. Before Trust I would wake up at my leisure, pressing the snooze button 3 or 4 times before hopping into the shower.. But now right when the alarm (my crying baby) goes off and I jump up out of bed to give him his bottle and change his diaper. There is no option of snooze! When a baby is hungry you HAVE to feed them, obviously. Showers and meals are scarce. Coffee is essential. Starting your day off with a positive attitude and with Jesus by your side is the MOST important thing, or you won't make it. 

Now that I am a stay at home mom, I look up to my mom and other moms staying home with their kids.. It is SO hard,  but so worth it. 

Yesterday was so full of surprises and "God Moments"..

I went to the church for Pastor's Prayer with Brett and got some AWESOME prayer. Craig & Linda Hesselton, Andy Saperstein, and Kelli Messik prayed for me. Craig got a word for me that was really applicable to how I've been feeling. He said that my emotions were like crushed ice and that I had been crushed by everything that happened to me through Pregnancy on and that God wanted to equalize my emotions again and give me back joy. It was like a weight was lifted when he prayed that! It had been a while since I'd felt happy/joyful like before pregnancy and I can honestly say yesterday I felt really happy/joyful and full of God. I could feel Him speaking to me about things again.

Linda got a picture of my life being like a garden. My life was Raked up (pregnancy, labor, delivery, recovery), seeds were planted in that time, and God is going to produce fruit from everything. I've always felt that! From the beginning I knew Trust's story would help others and that God was going to work everything together for good! All day yesterday and today I've been trying to compile my thoughts on how to speak about my situation to people to give them hope. I am even speaking at the High School in the coming months and it is perfect timing! I know God is going to give me more opportunities like this.

Kelli prayed that I would be given songs of love for God and of hope for others. I KNOW this will come to be because my heart is always filled with songs. :)

I've also been thinking ALOT of the phrase from Chronicles of Narnia "Aslan is on the Move". Aslan is the Great Lion, King of Narnia who is supposed to be representative of Jesus. I just keep thinking in all of that crazy situations in my life and other people's life right now that God is on the Move. He is working. He is turning the ugly, cold winter into beautiful, warm spring! He makes all things new. He makes all of the horrible circumstances I went through something good and beautiful.

One last thing about yesterday. Brett went to a guys night at Larry Miller's house last night and he came home after I had already went to sleep. When I woke up for Trust's 2am feeding, there was a beautiful box and a card on top of it in the bathroom. I read the card, and almost burst with amazement. It said this: 

"Heather, This is totally random, but you were on my mind tonight & I wanted to give you a care package (for the new mommy).

I feel like God wants you to know He totally sees you right now

WOW. I read that note and thanked God. He is pursuing my heart like crazy right now and I am just floored at all He is doing.