These past couple of days have been so awesome! I wasn't planning on going to the Youth Pastor's round table with Brett, but something kept me there.. I was just supposed to do worship and leave, but the people were so awesome and encouraging and the topics were riveting and I just couldn't leave!! :0) God was speaking in some powerful ways.. He spoke to me in some powerful ways. I also got some sweet prayer from Heather and Alton.. And man, god spoke to me so deeply. PERFECT TIMING.
I met a really cool couple, The Applegates, and Tara went through a miscarriage in 2003 and now has 2 adorable children. She said that I had been on her heart the last couple days, and we were able to share our experiences. We both had some similarities to our situations and it was really cool to talk and share with her. We both watered up as we spoke of our unborn children.. Toward the end she asked if I had past my due date yet, and I said "well, I don't know.. It's November 18th, has that date past yet?" Not knowing today is November 18th. eee..
I just told Brett as I was writing this my revelation about today, and I didn't realize I would, but I began to gush with tears! Phew.. The whirlwind of events that has happened.. It seems like just yesterday and years ago all that the same time. I realized it is still a very tender and sore area that needs constant healing and attention. One minute I can talk about it with ease and the next my heart is so heavy I can't say a word without bawling my eyes out in a way that is really embarrassing! (the ugly cry) Everyday I get a little more healed and everyday I discover I am completely a mess all at the same time!
God is so faithful through it all.. I kind of quit pressing into Him in the mess of all of this. I just got so tired.. Not that we quit talking completely, but I just didn't spend the quality time we used to. I quit going to services.. I quit reading my bible and waiting on Him.. I quit investing in people.. I quit singing.. I quit writing.. I just kind of shriveled in my hurt, ya know? But man these past couple of days and weeks my heart is getting back to where it was and better than before! I feel like I am hearing God's voice again! Not that I didn't hear it during all of this, I just quit listening.. I forgot how amazing it is to hear from Him and really worship Him. I got my voice back, my song writing back, my passion for people and for things back.
Today is still a struggle in every way. Tomorrow will be too. But I know God has something for me in all of this. He is showing His glory through it all. That being said.. pray for me and Brett today. Pray for other mom's and dad's who have lost their little ones too. They need our prayers! :)