Adventures with Heather

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ugh, Anxiety!

Ugh, Anxiety sucks! I honestly can't remember a time where I have felt so anxious. Unfortunately, I can't disclose why, but I just had to write something.

For those of you who haven't suffered from anxiety, this is what it feels like:

-A giant ogre decided a good place to sit is on your chest, making it hard for you to breathe.

-Your mind is racing so fast it feels like the 12 hours of sleep you got the night before were more like 2 hours.

-Household chores look more like mountains to climb.

-Your heart decides instead of beating like a normal heart, it wants to be in a rock band.

-Your headache is playing the bass in your heart's rock band.

-Prayers turn into desperate pleas for help.

Don't worry, I am working through this stuff! I met with my counselor yesterday about it.. It is in this case,  going to be a process. 

I know all the verses in the Bible that talk about Anxiety and "casting your cares on Him", but for me right now it is hard to read it and apply it. Especially when you are right IN the fire. Fire doesn't feel good, it burns.. But I am looking forward to the refinement and the growth just through the fire. It's time to grow up and deal with things head on, not avoiding issues and walking on eggshells to ensure my hearts safety, because in the end I am just lying to myself that the problem isn't really there. 

Christmas is my favorite time of year (usually), but this year I am not into it. Holiday stress has left me feeling empty. This is NOT what Christmas and the Holidays are supposed to be about! I feel the injustice rising up in me and I want to scream and shout in indignation,"I WANT MY CHRISTMAS BACK!!" It will be a process, but hopefully we can do it. All the little compromises we make just to "make everyone happy" even though no matter what we do someone isn't happy... We are stretched in so many directions left flabbergasted the day after any major holiday in a state of depression and a holiday hangover. Why do we put ourselves through this every year? This behavior is SUPER unhealthy, and we MUST find a middle ground somewhere. I'm not trying to sound mean or rude toward our family and friends, it is not their fault, it is ours. We have stretched ourselves too thin and we are tired. We are still new at all this... We will have many more try's to get it right thank the Lord.

 If you feel the same way during the holidays, give me an AMEN.


tara arcade. said...

oh heather, anxiety is such a drag! so sorry, friend. i read your post and was quickly reminded of how much i admire your honest, soft and tender. quite beautiful:) praying peace for you and yours...

tara arcade. said...

ahhh! and, how could i forget to comment on that a d o r a b l e baby boy of yours! dear trust, i want to cuddle you and squeeze you:)